community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
