Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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