The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize