If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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