I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
