I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
