I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
