and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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