i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
