Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
