I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
