Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize