If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
worst night to have a conscience
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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