You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
