I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
