I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
