I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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