Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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