Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
