i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
There's even glitter on my cock...
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