I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
