all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
