Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
