What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It was confusing and full of hummus
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
