i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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