i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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