one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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