i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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