hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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