And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
