Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
