I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
