Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
