Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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