what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your cock deserves a montage
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
