Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
