so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
