My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Drake has all the answers
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
