I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
