Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
