So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
