I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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