Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
