he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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