i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
