Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
