So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize