dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
