she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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