Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
