who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
