Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
