Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
