How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i think i have two assholes
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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