9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
