Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize