...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
