Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize