i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
