I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Holy shit dude........stairs
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