The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
