Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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