YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
